Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Walking in a daze.

Well I can honestly say that I feel as if I am currently going through each day in a daze. Like I'm not really feeling anything. The reality of being alone for 2 years is sinking in quickly! (yes I will get to talk to him on the phone and through the computer) I know we can do it, but I honestly just feel so numb right now. Like I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel. Am I supposed to break down in tears, crying like a maniac, because I don't think I can do it? Or am I supposed to stand up and be this tough gal who keeps saying I can do it, No problem. Don't get me wrong, I know I can handle it, I am smarter than most people think. I try not to open my mouth much. I know how to take care of my children, how to manage our time, I DO know my girls will need me more than usual to help fill the daddy time. Thats not the part that bothers me.

Yes I am used to him being gone for 3 to 4 months at a time. But as someone so kindly pointed out, I knew it was temporary. We always had a countdown to when dad would return. Two years countdown doesn't seem quite right?

I know this all sounds foolish...but it's hard preparing for him to leave. Just yesterday it was like we still had a month. Well thats about gone down to a little over 2 1/2 weeks. It's good and bad that the girls start school. They are not going to want to go on the day we take him to the airport!

All I know is I'm struggling right now. It will get better, I keep praying that God will help me to give it to Him. Only with His strength will I make it through this!

I've rattled on enough for today. Until next time~ Ciao

Thursday, August 6, 2009


I am so tired. Is it just me, am I losing my mind? I don't understand how I can get a full nights sleep, have a normal day with no extra special activity, but yet here I am at 3:30 in the afternoon I feel like I'm completely exhausted! What is WRONG with me?????

The girls are all contently playing in their rooms, which would be a great opportunity for me to get something accomplished...but no, rather I'm on the computer. I had to get my daily dose of Farm Town on FB. :0)
At least I did go in to work for a little bit today and got something done!

The girls are starting to get emotional about Jeff leaving. Calli cries from time to time, Jacie talks about how she will miss him, and Megan is trying to spend every minute/second she can right there beside him! She is a true Daddy's girl! I have already been talking with her teachers...they are so sweet! Her teacher said they would do whatever they could to help!

Well we have a full weekend of Birthday parties. One tomorrow and two on Saturday! :0)
The girls are excited.

Calli wants to have a sleepover before school starts, but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it happen? I promised her we would have one for her birthday. That is another thing the girls are upset about....Dad will not be here for any holidays or birthdays! Hopefully the visits from Grandparents will help with that? I'm just NOT brave enough to travel with 4 kids by myself anywhere! I have a hard enough time driving with them to Pensacola by myself! Mostly because they argue! (go figure) I'm normally the one who sits in the middle as a mediator!

I have noticed for myself that I am becoming more anxious. My hair is falling out more than normal, not to mention all the Grey hair that is popping up, and my stomach is staying in constant upset! UGH!!!!!!!

On a positive note, the girls and I are working on a schedule that we will tweak once school starts...but it provides for plenty of "family" time. Making sure we get enough down time focus on each other. Not too much of just hurrying from one activity to another!
Plus we are going to schedule times to talk to dad and grandparents on the webcam. Plus a few other things the girls want to make a routine of!
All I know is it is going to be a long...different 2 years. I know God will get us through it. We are blessed to have many wonderful friends and our family.

I guess I have rambled on enough for today. My head keeps spinning with all the different things I need to take care of before Jeff leaves.... :0(

Until next time~ Ciao

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Well, I am not sure exactly what I'm doing, but I'm sure I will figure it out as we go along.

I'm very tired. We finally are moved into our house. YAY! So the stress from moving is gone! :0) Now to prepare for Jeff to leave for Korea. Not looking forward to being a single parent for such a long time! Yeah...yeah I know... I'm used to him leaving for 3 months at a time. But it's NOT the same! At least I knew he would be back!

After 3 weeks of vacation spent visiting family, it has been a hard transition back to regular life. I am not able to get into a routine yet? Not really sure why? Who knows?

The girls will be starting school in a few weeks! I am so not prepared for it! I am nervous about Jacie starting middle school! I remember what it was like when I was are only getting worse! I'm seriously considering putting her in some self defense courses! The most important thing is we always communicate...and that she knows she can talk to me about anything!

I'm considering another venture to make some additional income. I am still trying to decide, but I think I may try Tupperware. I am still trying to figure out how it would work schedule wise and if I can get someone to watch the girls? ;0)

Well the girls are driving me nuts running around the house screaming and shooting their generic nerf guns at each other! I hope Jeff has his ear plugs in...he is sleeping before heading out to work!

Our deck is covered in pigeon poop! We have this really nice huge bird feeder, that I thought would be so cute to fill up and see the pretty birds. All that I have seen are a dozen or more pigeons! I don't know how to keep them away? I wanted to see the cute little birds or even bluebirds or cardinals? Or anything with some color? UGH! Now I have to go and clean the deck.... as if I don't have enough poop to clean up after the dog!

I think I have written enough for today. I guess I need to go fix some dinner. I'm looking for some new kid friendly recipes if you have any to offer!