Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Walking in a daze.

Well I can honestly say that I feel as if I am currently going through each day in a daze. Like I'm not really feeling anything. The reality of being alone for 2 years is sinking in quickly! (yes I will get to talk to him on the phone and through the computer) I know we can do it, but I honestly just feel so numb right now. Like I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel. Am I supposed to break down in tears, crying like a maniac, because I don't think I can do it? Or am I supposed to stand up and be this tough gal who keeps saying I can do it, No problem. Don't get me wrong, I know I can handle it, I am smarter than most people think. I try not to open my mouth much. I know how to take care of my children, how to manage our time, I DO know my girls will need me more than usual to help fill the daddy time. Thats not the part that bothers me.

Yes I am used to him being gone for 3 to 4 months at a time. But as someone so kindly pointed out, I knew it was temporary. We always had a countdown to when dad would return. Two years countdown doesn't seem quite right?

I know this all sounds foolish...but it's hard preparing for him to leave. Just yesterday it was like we still had a month. Well thats about gone down to a little over 2 1/2 weeks. It's good and bad that the girls start school. They are not going to want to go on the day we take him to the airport!

All I know is I'm struggling right now. It will get better, I keep praying that God will help me to give it to Him. Only with His strength will I make it through this!

I've rattled on enough for today. Until next time~ Ciao

1 comment:

  1. I love the picture of the girls! And, I love your openess in your writing. When a person gets to the point of saying, "I CAN'T DO IT!"...a person is finally getting somewhere. Christ then has a place to come and fill and be the EVEYRTHING that person needs. You (and Jeff) through Christ can do ANYTHING with His strength. Pour it out to Him. Let yourself have moments of tenderness before Him. Let Him be your rest, your comfort, your encouragement, your strength. And, remind me of all this as I need to hear it and DO it, too!! :-) You go girl.